There are no spring chickens anymore.

Or, at least, that's what my Entomologist always seems to whisper under her breath during my annual exam. Each time. Without fail. And here, I just wanted to be a bug when I grew up and now... all of this.

Anyway, in hopes of distracting you from what could be, when looked at with the right kind of eyes, called near Total Global Conflict, I'll regale you with some fascinating and down right pleasurable experiences that may be happening here this weekend at IBW Lodge #1. I realize many of you are probably still airing our your basements and replacing dry wall from Tuesday's deluge, but - listen to me - put the nail guns down and come over for some fresh, cold beer.

We've got a pretty killer tap list right now and next week will bring FRESH Jr. Astronaut Juice, ECTO-SLUSHY in cans AND on draft and TRUST. I've been brewing our VERY LAST BATCH OF BEER yesterday and today which also happens to be the VERY LAST BATCH OF GAY AGENDA that may possibly ever be made. It's bittersweet I tell you. Bitter, bittersweet.

But first! Tonight:

If you missed the last one of these, they are freaking GREAT. 2 DJ's, suuuuuper tasteful, ass shaking old school Jamaican Soul, Reggae and Ska that puts you in a portal, that delivers you to a zone, that seems to be a place outside of time. Come ON and get it.

Friday night, you can come haunt me while I haunt you behind the bar for Happy Hour and beyond. And then at 9:30:

Saturday, I know you'll be hung over from all the BIG FUN we had on Friday, but damnit, so will I. So, rub some dirt on it and get back in here. Join me and John Forbes for another ass-slapping good time:

None of these bands can get it straight, but, while the flyer says doors at 7p (sure, doors open at 2p on Saturday!!) the music won't start until after 9pm. But come on by, this one should be fun on a bun!!

AND THAT'S NOT ALL!!!

Sunday might actually be my favorite day of all of these. And it better be because my old self is going to be FRIED come Sunday. I will require Lemmy levels of enhancements to keep me trued, but, by god, I will be TRUED!

Sunday, April 19th, which is, as you know BICYCLE DAY, I'm very excited to announce that we have THE OPINIONATED GRATEFUL DEAD TRIVIA going on before Robert Rolfe Feddersen lightens everybody's moods.

That's right, at 2:30pm all you degenerate DeadHeads, get over here. We've got Grateful Dead trivia and each round is capstoned by a question that is completely opinion driven. Oh sure, you might think you're right, but, if you don't agree with me and Mike on the answer, you will be wrong. WRONG!!!!

So, gather your teams of up to 6 players and come win the new book "Loud & Clear" as well the GINORMOUS Dennis McNally bio and some other Grateful Dead goodies. And spend a lovely Sunday afternoon with good ol' Grateful Dead fans. DON'T MISS THIS it will be freaking awesome!!!

And then, following that madness, we've got:

My man Robert Rolfe Feddersen is not only the HARDEST working man in show business, he's also one of the sweetest sons of bitches you might ever have the pleasure to know. And he throws down an up-to-11 good time at all of his shows. Why not come on out, support local music, and drink some IBW beer while you do it? It won't cost you nothing unless you get involved in that illegal gambling operation we operate out of our basement.

Last and probably not least, we've had a ton of people asking us what we're doing with all the cool shit we have around the place before we go and transcend dimensions. Matt, J and I talked quite a bit about what the best move would be here and we landed on doing 3 separate raffles of all the stuff. We figured this would be the most democratic way to do this and, hopefully, get us the most amount of cold hard cash money.

We've broken the stuff into 3 lots of stuff detailed above. Basically, you buy as many raffle tickets as you might think you can afford and then buy more than that. On the designated Saturdays (April 25th, May 30th & June 27th at 7:00pm) we will raffle the different lots of stuff off. You must must must be here to claim your prize and you, obviously, must have the winning ticket to win. We figure this will be the most fun and least painful way to let this stuff go into your capable hands. Tickets go on sale TONIGHT at the Cult Meeting.

Oh yes, we've got more Trust shirts for sale at the Lodge as well as some very cool enamel pins of the "Away Team" logo that you should definitely pick up. More Gay Agenda shirts are on their way as well as one more commemorative END TIMES keepsake.

So get on out here TONIGHT if possible... or tomorrow... or just as damn soon as you possibly can. We miss you and we want to have some fun before it's all gone forever.

Ok? Ok!!

You can see all of our events on our event calendar at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/events

You can see what's currently on tap at IBW LODGE #1 at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/whats-on-tap