First things first: TOMORROW NIGHT, that would be Thursday... I'm behind the bar and we're going to finally watch - on the projector - the greatest LSD comedy ever made (by Otto Preminger): SKI-DOO.

If you can imagine a film starring Jackie Gleason, Carrol Channing, Groucho Marx, Cesar Romero, Burgess Meredith, Mickey Rooney and a set-designed by the geniuses behind the Batman TV show where the 3rd act involves a whole prison of people in a song and dance number while tripping their faces off that you might (MAYBE!) begin to understand a fragment of this powerful piece of the American Cinema Canon. (or is that cannon?)

I'll start the show around 8pm. I will try to remember to pick up some popcorn to give you. All you have to do is bring a good attitude, a light heart, and a jelly roll full of $20 dollar bills to stick into my brazier. (is that how you spell that?)

There's no time like this chaotic, non-sensical, slightly terrifying and mostly annoying point in history to come out and have fun with people you love that you know or are about to know.

And speaking of non-sensical and slightly annoying:

It's that most magickal time of the year once again.... MOCK TURTLEFEST SEASON!

Yes. Yes. YES!!

Saturday, October 4th from 3pm - 11pm it all begins to happen again...

Here's the memo sent to all branches of our organization this morning at 6:36am:

STRANGE PEOPLE OF EARTH,

LET IT BE KNOWN, BY HOLEY WRIT & SWEATY DECREE, THAT SATURDAY OCTOBER 4TH 2025 IS OUR 5TH ANNUAL MOCK TURTLE FEST.

YOUR ATTENDANCE IS REQUIRED BY LAW.

EXPECT MANY A SAUSAGE AND PRETZEL A-PLENTY.

EXPECT STRANGE COMPETITIONS OF STRENGTH AND CUNNING (WE HAVE ELIMINATED THE GAMES OF WIT DUE TO CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES).

EXPECT STEINS OF AMERICA'S GREATEST FAKE MARZEN BEER MADE FROM A RECIPE DESIGNED AND DEVELOPED BY THE UNITED STATE'S FIRST AMBASSADOR TO CARCOSA, JOHN MAREK, ESQ.
EXPECT, IN TRIUMPHANT RETURN, THE FREAKING RON SMOLLEN ORCHESTRA, PLAYING ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE OOMPA OOMPA SONGS. SING-A-LONGS ARE NOW ENFORCED BY LAW.

THIS IS A HIGH ROLLING DAY OF RESPECT AND HONOR TO FASION'S FINEST BOUNTY: THE MOCK-TURTLENECK. WEAR ONE. OR WEAR SOME LIEDERHOSEN (SP?) OR WEAR ONE OF THOSE BLUE SKIRTS THAT ARE SO ADORABLE. WE WILL BE GRANTING PRAISE UPON THE WORTHY AND RETRIBUTION UPON THE HUMORLESS AND LAME.

JOIN US OR SURRENDER LATER. YOUR FUTURE IS IN OUR HANDS.

THE MGT

So, there you have it. All the information you need to properly free your mind, body and spirit. Oh, one other thing; NEVER LOOK A SEA MONKEY IN THE EYES!

See your real soon!

You can see all of our events on our event calendar at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/events

You can see what's currently on tap at IBW LODGE #1 at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/whats-on-tap