HAPPY LOBSTER FOOD TRUCK TONIGHT @ IBW Lodge #1

As Salam Alaykum!

I'll tell you what. I am EXHAUSTED from, what?, now like 3 weeks of SCIF debriefings out here in D.C.

You think when you start a UFO cult in these modern times that people will naturally fear and respect you from a distance and have no interest in whatever strange practices you and your small cabal of degenerate organ grinders get into during wee dark hours of the night with your barbaric incantations and flowery appellations to eldritch creatures. But, PRAISE BOB(TM), that is just not the case apparently. I mean, once you bring beer into this equation of UFO cults, all decorum and decency gets thrown out the window like Frank Olson on a bad day.

And, who knew that Kirkpatrick creep was such a LUSH? I swear to ORTHON that if this freaking guy comes banging on my suite door one more time at 2 am with his "C'mon bro! C'mon!"s trying to get me to do yet another god-damned gravity bong in the Watergate Hotel pool after hours I'm writing a letter to Congress and making straight and sure that I'm once and for good removed from this list of "Cooperative Civilians".  These bozos can piece together this inter-dimensional 5D chess game on their own. I'm OUT!

I mean, talk about late to the party. Congress ignores this problem for decades - I mean decades now, people - and, as soon as Gaetz goes on another one of his 3-day benders in Tallahassee and ends up seeing one of these ships for reals up in these tawdry skies, all of the sudden it's my problem? 

SCIF my left foot, man. I'm so over this thing. You want answers, you ask these things yourself.

From now on, if somebody asks me if IBW is "really an UFO love cult", well, I'm just gonna lie and send them down the street to Jerry at Une Anne. Them's the real freaks! I mean, have you ever asked Jerry Nelson about his time at Giant Rock with Van Tassel back in the 70's? Probably not. And you should. Are you listening to me? You should.

I'm sorry. I know I'm over reacting a bit. But you spend 9 hours a day for several weeks in some high-security bunker with these aspirational dorks from Congress getting asked the same wrong questions over and over, time and time again, and you see how cool you are about the whole thing. I'll tell you now: you won't be cool.

But, I'm distracted. I'm supposed to be telling you that we've got HAPPY LOBSTER FOOD TRUCK at the shop tonight. Come get some lobster rolls and drink some beer while you do it. God knows we could use the revenue as the federal government doesn't foot the bill for the hotel rooms when they subpoena for some low-rent Congressional sub-committee hearings. 

Happy Lobster gets rolling right around opening time tonight. That be 5pm by earth watch standard.

I'll be back in Chicago just in time to host THE BEATLES themed Team Trivia on Sunday afternoon at 3pm. You can have up to 6 on your team. 

I've been putting together the questions in my downtime while out here in D.C. It's been my one reprieve from these pencil necks. I've put a lot of love into the whole endeavor. So, if you're a Beatles fan, you'd be real remiss to not come out for this wonderful little event. Come on now Beatles nerds, let's all get together in the same place and celebrate the greatest pop rock n' roll band of all time on any planet.

Here's a photo of the prizes:

Remember, almost every Thursday is PINT NIGHT at our little UFO Love Cult Lodge, IBW Lodge #1. We're ripping through these JUNIOR ASTRONAUT JUICE glasses as of late. I'm guessing we'll have these for probably one or two more of these and then we'll move onto a different glass.

It's $12 and you get the glass full of Junior Astro Juice. Why don't you have a whole set of these yet?

Ok, beer.

You can see all of our events on our event calendar at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/events

You can see what's currently on tap at IBW LODGE #1 at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/whats-on-tap

PINT NIGHT is back TONIGHT @ IBW Lodge #1

Hello my fuzzy friends!

I'm feeling all kinds of ways about the RETURN OF PINT NIGHT that is happening TONIGHT at the Lodge.

We've got a new glass for this month. Check out this fancy-pants, beer can shaped, wrap around graphiced JUNIOR ASTRONAUT JUICE glass.

That's right, tonight only, you get this beautiful little pint glass full of JUNIOR ASTRONAUT JUICEfor only $12!! While these limited supplies last.

And, please, don't be a savage, only one per customer per visit. And, believe me, you will NOT be the exception to that rule... so don't ask!

Tomorrow night, we've got Smokestaff BBQ back slinging their wares and Rita's Italian Ice to help you wash down your beer.

We're excited to be, once again, partnering with our friends at the THE SATANIC TEMPLE ILLINOIS for their annual MENSTRUATIN' WITH SATAN feminine care products drive. Bring in unopened boxes of menstruation pads, tampons, panty liners, bars of soap, toothpaste or toothbrushes (not sure what the latter has to do with menstruation, but!) and cleansing wipes and throw them in our fancy, devil-adorned box up by the bar. The lovely folks from the Satanic Temple of Illinois will then, on August 31st, distribute them to Pilsen Dispensa Food de Comida Pantry Pilsen to insure they get to women in need.

And this works for you - beyond doing a top-shelf good thing for your fellow humans - because you then get 10% off your bar tab for the night AND, for every item donated, you receive a raffle ticket to win a pair of MENSTRUATIN' WITH SATAN period panties from the design wizards at HAREBRAINED DESIGNS.

We'll pick the winners on Thursday August 31st at 8pm. You must be present at the Lodge to collect your panties. 

And, if games of chance are not your thing, then you can buy a pair of panties for $15. $5 from every pair of panties will go to buy more menstruation care products to be donated for the cause.

How great is that? Great, right? But is it as great as....
 

Come on now Beatles nerds, I can't be the only one obsessed with the band that literally wrote the book on pop rock n' roll from everything from song writing to production to culture creation and even album format. Can I? Come on out on Sunday August 27th and show us what you got. Here's the prizes we'll have available:

Do you still need MORE in your life? You're insatiable. Unstable even! Unsuitable for gods sake! Ok, so, honestly now, how the hell am I supposed to make you happy? I mean, really.

How about aWEIRD STUDIES BLACK IPA 16"x20" poster?
 

That's right, to celebrate the release of our 2nd batch of Weird Studies Black IPA (which celebrates Weird Studies podcast) we've made a short run of these phenomenal posters. Printed in full color on thick card stock, these posters are sure to make your life finally worth living. 

You can buy one at the Lodge for $10 or you can be a shut-in and still get one from terrible web store for $20.


And, while you're here for all these wonderful events, why not get a 4-pack of Weird Studies? This years batch is dry hopped with Comet and Zappa hops and is a freaking delight. Not only that, but each 4 pack comes with ALL FOUR of the can designs we made for this delicious beer. Check them out!

Ok, that's it for now!

You can see all of our events on our event calendar at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/events

You can see what's currently on tap at IBW LODGE #1 at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/whats-on-tap

LIVE Improvisational Music TONIGHT @ IBW Lodge #1 & More...

GOOD PEOPLE OF THE PLANET EARTH, WE SALUTE YOU!

Suddenly, my playful interstellar greetings have a bit more payload to them. 

Knowing each and every one of you fair humanoids that read this newsletter intimately, I know that you've been tracking the - well, let's call it insanity - of the UAP/UFO situation as it relates to our government, NASA and the intelligence community as closely as I have these past 6 or 7 weeks.

I make a habit of bringing this up to everyone I run into. Not because I have some hard and fast belief about what is going on (I mean, "belief", really? What is this 1983?) or that I have any kind of abiding optimism or trust that our government, or any government, is capable of functioning beyond a 3rd grad level. Or that I kid myself into thinking I even have the capacity to appreciate the implications of what this could mean if its most extreme logic could come to conclusion.

No, I ask everybody because it's a really potent Rorschach test to run on a person. You tend to get three responses:

  1. Arrogantly certain that it's bullshit.

  2. Arrogantly certain that ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!!

  3. Soft, resigned, uncertainty and openness.

If you know me (and you do... Right?) than you know that I fall steadfastly committed to ANSWER #2!

I kid, I kid. 

These are heady times, my dear comrades, and certainty - and certainly arrogance - are not only passé, and boring and dull and stupid - and GROSS - but certainty, is, in regard to this and every other damn thing under the sun, seemingly, an operational failure.

And who wants to be a freaking failure? Not you, son. Not you.

So, let's hold steady, but not too tightly, and see what comes of the hearings on July 26th as well as what results from Chuck Schumer's new legislation, et al.

Interesting times, indeed.

And what do "interesting times" remind us that we need to be doing? That's right, drink!

In service of that high command, we have some projects for you here in the near and now future:

 America's Sweetheart, John Vernon Forbes, will be hosting a night of LIVE and improvisational music tonight at our esteemed HQ. Are you a musician? A noise maker? A human who loves to live in the space of spontaneity and surprise? Then bring your instrument to the Lodge tonight and participate in the first of what should be a monthly gathering of sickos in search of sound. No pressure. Just fun here folks, just fun on a ding dang bun.

We're excited to be, once again, partnering with our friends at the THE SATANIC TEMPLE ILLINOIS for their annual MENSTRUATIN' WITH SATAN feminine care products drive. Bring in unopened boxes of menstruation pads, tampons, panty liners, bars of soap, toothpaste or toothbrushes (not sure what the latter has to do with menstruation, but!) and cleansing wipes and throw them in our fancy, devil-adorned box up by the bar. The lovely folks from the Satanic Temple of Illinois will then, on August 31st, distribute them to Pilsen Dispensa Food de Comida Pantry Pilsen to insure they get to women in need.

And this works for you - beyond doing a top-shelf good thing for your fellow humans - because you then get 10% off your bar tab for the night AND, for every item donated, you receive a raffle ticket to win a pair of MENSTRUATIN' WITH SATAN period panties from the design wizards at HAREBRAINED DESIGNS.

We'll pick the winners on Thursday July 27th and Thursday August 31st at 8pm. You must be present at the Lodge to collect your panties. 

And, if games of chance are not your thing, then you can buy a pair of panties for $15. $5 from every pair of panties will go to buy more menstruation care products to be donated for the cause.

How great is that?

And speaking of Satan, everybody's most lovable evil-doer HARRY POTTER is getting his much-deserved time in the sun with ourHARRY POTTER TEAM TRIVIAon Sunday July 30th at 3pm. 

That's right, this months' themed team trivia focuses on THE BOY WHO LIVED! We'll cover all the books and all the movies. So get your teams of 6 together and come on down to IBW LODGE #1, get loaded and win Harry Potter prizes.What more do you want from this world???

How about a WEIRD STUDIES BLACK IPA 16"x20" poster?

That's right, to celebrate the release of our 2nd batch of Weird Studies Black IPA (which celebrates Weird Studies podcast) we've made a short run of these phenomenal posters. Printed in full color on thick card stock, these posters are sure to make your life finally worth living. 

You can buy one at the Lodge for $10 or you can be a shut-in and still get one from terrible web store for $20.

And, while you're here for all these wonderful events, why not get a 4-pack of Weird Studies? This years batch is dry hopped with Comet and Zappa hops and is a freaking delight. Not only that, but each 4 pack comes with ALL FOUR of the can designs we made for this delicious beer. Check them out!

And hey, if beer isn't your thing,SLUSHY THING #7: THE WATERGATE SALAD AFFAIRis back in full effect, available on draft or in 4-packs to go RIGHT NOW.

WHAT A WORLD!! WHAT A WORLD!!!!

Pint Night, Food Truck & Weiners!

Welp,

In a strange twist of fate, I don't really know what to say.

The world is on fire and it's finally come rat-tat-tatting on our front door. There's a certain kind of sinking feeling when the images from your doom scrolling suddenly populate the 4-dimensional world just outside your window. I'm sure the Germans have a word for that feeling and the Japanese have an even more beautiful one as well. We here in the land of the Pleabes English have a short onomonapeion for it, I suppose. Sing along if you know this one: "Gulp".

But, wile the air smells like your jeans after weekend camp out and the skies are tarred and feathered in some rich bumbleheads satellites, we here at Illuminated Brew Works are somewhat invigorated as, seemingly every day, our tongue-in-cheek tagline we created 8 years ago when we started this disfunctional egregore of ours, has now becomes a mission statement. The humor has shifted from the rhetoric of irony to the absurdity of unavoidable truth. But, still, we're here for you, still creating "Beer for Interesting Times". Now more than ever, my bubbies. Now more than ever.

And we take our cynicism very seriously. We take our realism surreally. We take our lumps by the dozen and we almost always take our beer with a sidecar of affordable whisky. These are coping mechanisms and there's no time like the present to get mechanistic with one's coping. Or one's copping for that matter. But, copulating? Please - please don't make me remind you again - whatever you do, just stay loose, always stay loose and curious and fruitful with that copulating, ok? The dark lord knows we need real Love and some real good loving in these our hard, hard times. So, let's not go soft. Not now. Not in these very Interesting Times.

I mean have you heard all the stories from very legitimate channels about these aircrafts of "non-human origin"? Wait, was that Marco Rubio? The Senate Intelligence Sub-Committee? Did you see that shit that went down in Russia? You know the thing with the Ex-Con Warlord putting a real challenge against the state military? Have you smelled the air in Chicago???

My brothers and sisters in dedication to decadence, we are through ye olde looking glass and even the Cheshire Cat looks a little nervous.

So we drink! 

And, in service of drinking - and eating! - we've got a few events lined up for you.
 


Hot damn! That's right. THURSDAY NIGHT, that being Thursday June 29th (MR. KING'S BIRTHDAY!) on most solar calendars, we have our first of many PINT NIGHTS here at America's Home for Dundering, IBW Lodge #1.

For a measly $10 you get one of these fancy blue-glass branded IBW glasses pictured above and it will be full of delicious TRUST lager. Only 1 glass per customer per Thursday while supplies last and these are only available on Thursdays. So don't try calling in any favors or any other annoying practice, please. It will fail. Just come on Thursday, pay $10, get your glass, enjoy your Trust and then enjoy another $300-$400 worth of beer while you're here. Maybe eat some of the delicious PRETZEL CRACK that we have for sale to help with a $400 beer bender. Or, might I suggest some delicious SKOKIE PROVISIONS? Regardless, don't ask for more than one glass. It ain't gonna happen.

The plan is to do this Pint Night every Thursday with a new limited edition glass whenever we run out of the previous run. We've got about 60 of these blue ones and, after they're gone, they're gone for good.

This FRIDAY we're hosting the BUMBU ROUX FOOD TRUCK along with our friends at WineStyles. You know the routine by now, the truck will be in the parking from 5pm - 8pm serving their delicious wares. Bumbu Roux is a mix of Cajun and Indonesian food and it looks phenomenal. Don't miss this one! There's no pre-orders or anything like that, just show up, order your food and order a couple beers or wine to wash it all down with. What a lovely way to start this 4th of July weekend!

On Sunday, Bucky will be at the Lodge from 3pm - 7pm grilling hot dogs and giving them away to anyone who is either nice or interesting enough to not have to be nice. My recommendation is just be nice and don't roll the bones on whether you can be perceived as "interesting" or not. Our dear Bucky is a harsh critic and real jaded son-of-a-bitch and probably doesn't find you interesting. Especially if you're trying.

And then on MONDAY Handsome Rob is doing the same damn thing. From 3pm - 7pm (or until the dogs run out), Rob will be grilling and serving dogs. This is our public service to your pre-4th of July partying. We all need a decent base coat for the kind of celebrating that tends to go down on this here holiday, so, come on by IBW Lodge #1 and get covered with dogs and beer.

Speaking of Monday, we are opening at 2pm on Monday July 3rd to get the most of your good times that day.

And, yes Virginia, we are CLOSED ON JULY 4TH. We'll be back at it again on Wednesday July 5th.

Oh, and one last thing to put on your radar before I get back to pacing, Saturday July 8th we've got NIGHT BEAMS #6: Another FREE evening of mostly Modular Synth Jams.
 

Alright, that's all for now! Be good to one another. And try not to freak out too much when they make the 2big announcements tomorrow that are supposed to challenge our understanding of the Universeat a fundamental level. It'll be fine, just keep drinking.
 
You can see all of our events on our event calendar at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/events

You can see what's currently on tap at IBW LODGE #1 at https://www.ibw-chicago.com/whats-on-tap