Old Irving Pbutt Stout Collab TODAY, Detroit, Ohio & Mail bag!

Every so often, we like to hear what our cult family has on their minds. Since we find social media a feral, pustulent scab on the human condition - and wildly inefficient when compared to the telepathic ONE MIND our cult members attain within weeks of initiation - we rely on the power of snail mail. So, let's head to the the Illuminated Brew Works telepathic mail bag and see what's shaking: 

From: Joan in Halifax, New Mexico, January 23rd, 2020

Dear Illuminated Brew Works,
Greetings to you, the most high acolytes of our 7 Sisters of the 11 Mysteries! I was recently in attendance at an IBW meet n' greet and one of your auditors informed me that Illuminated Brew Works beer is more than beer, it's a spiritual technology! I generally like to accept whatever I'm told without question, but I struggled with this bit of data, as I'm not sure what it means. 
Can you please illuminate me on IBW as a Spiritual Modality?

Hi Joan!
Thanks for asking and you're right: Illuminated Brew Works is so much more than just beer. In fact, "the beer" that we make is really a front. It's a delicious Trojan Horse, an intoxicating portal to the infinite, an electric ladder that you can ride to escape your petty, time-constrained human Identity that so many damaged souls cling to in wild desperation these days.
IBW is a liquid shew stone whose words and images you can ride to the grandest platitudes of Mind. As we like to say in the locker room of the sparring dungeon located just below the brewery, "Drink IBW and become God again!" 
My best recommendation for how to leverage the trans-dimensional qualities of our beer is to engage a three-pass solution to your meditation. 

1. Put on your most comfortable footy pajamas and sit in front of a large, loud stereo, playing white noise.

2. Drink your favorite IBW beverage (today we're drinking ANCIENT MAGICK!)

3. Chant your favorite mantra such as "INGEST" or "TUNA" until the facade of this reality washes into a vast and eternal pool of sound, light and sensation.

After that, how you use IBW beer is up to you. Remember to have fun and enjoy with people you trust!
Yours in space, 
XXX

There you have it! And, if you're looking for the perfect beverage to try your luck at IBW's home game, might we suggest ANCIENT MAGICK? It's a 10% peanut butter s'mores stout that we brewed with the goddamn loveliest bunch of folks in the world, Old Irving Brewing. This is a super small batch, limited run that goes on tap and is available in 2-packs at Old Irving Brewing starting today at 5pm. This will not last, so get there fast!

Next week, Brian heads out to Detroit to shake some babies and brew a collab beer with our friends at Garage Project. You Detroit cult members should be on the look out for this Double Dry-Hopped Double IPA around the last week of March. Stay tuned for more info.

After that, Old Man Bucky will be heading down to Cincinnati Ohio for the Cincy Winter Beer Fest where we'll be pouring all kinds of deliciousness including Junior Astronaut Juice, Brony & a super secret stout that we will tell you about the day of the event. The Cincy Winter Beer Fest is happening Friday and Saturday March 5th & 6th. Get your tickets here!!

Be on the look out for a new and delicious Premium Lager made with Styrian Wolf hops that will drop to our Chicago and suburb accounts on Tuesday, March 10th. TRUST is our first lager in 16oz cans and is a delicious, crystalline lager with subtle notes of citrus, tropical grass and grain. It's a perfect tool for your next seance.

We love you, we know it's hard, and we'll all get through this together.

Godspeed!!

Brian, Matt, Jason, Ethan, Wally, Jim, Lucas & Juan

Brony Label Blues

2020 has slithered into our lives with all it's complicated colors and phosphorescent headaches and we're glad you're still here to celebrate with us. Nobody said the future would be without it's questions but it sure would be nice if everybody learned to love the answers just a little bit less. Knowi'msayin'?

We received a truly lovely letter from the lawyers at the Hasbro company the other day. They were touched by our homage to their army of lovable ponies and the people who love those lovable steeds. In fact, they were so enthralled with the Brony label that they have asked us to stop making it. How about that?!

Now, as if we need to restate it, we're in the business of making lives lighter, brighter and a little tighter all the while getting you slightly higher, so we don't have an interest in spending any more time than necessary in our fabled courts of law. In an effort to keep our priorities in the cross hairs, we've decided NOT to unleash our vicious pack of litigational wizards on Hasbro's - I'm sure - second rate legal team. 

So, my friends, what is left of the Brony that you see on the shelves right now will be the last time you see that beautiful can in it's current form. So sad, but all things, in time, must pass. And there, in that notion, is the root of all beauty. Enjoy it. 

Now, let's be clear: We are not retiring Brony the beer, but we will be redesigning the label so as not to court the ire of the lovely folks at Hasbro. Get it while you can! (And, in all honesty, their lawyers were super sweet and, if you didn't pick up on the rhetorical exercise above, much smarter, well-funded and far more prone to winning than us...).

In other beer news, a fresh batch of Junior Astronaut Juice hit the streets this week in Chicago. You fine, furry freaks in Utah, Ohio, Michigan and Florida should be seeing it on your shelves in the next week or so as well. We've got some fancy new cans for this batch and it's tasting better than ever. Give yourself a treat, why don't ya?

Speaking of Brony! The Owl will be celebrating Valentine's Day by pouring GLITTER BRONY all night. That's right, Brony, in it's pure and unrefined state, is actually full of glitter and kind of pink. Who knew? We go through a great deal of pains to turn that beautiful substance into the mass consumed beer-looking beverage that most of you see. But on February the 14th, for one night only, you will get the pure, unstepped-on and straight from the belly button of an adorable little pony beverage as it is meant to be: Fabulous and Glittery!

Here's some other lovely bits to be on the look out for in the next few weeks (updates coming by way of Facebook, Instagram , Twitter & this lovely email list as they get released):

• Ballad of the Peanut Butter Pony is coming to you in 16oz cans in early March!

• Ancient Magic, a peanut butter smore's stout that we made with Old Irving Brewingwill be released later this month. We're putting some of it in a 12-year Weller barrel, so prepare thyself for that!

• Black Fangs, our collab with Kuma's & Dark Matter coffee, is going to be available in all Kuma's all the time for a while. Ask for it by name, but say it backwards! This will also be canned later this year with some freaking SICK can art on it.

• If you haven't tried it yet, we made SUNDAY BEST, an American golden ale with fresh fig leaves, that is a truly wild and wonderful compliment to the insanely delicious food at the new restaurant from Johnny & Beverly of Parachute fame. You can only get this at Wherewithall so, yeah, do that.

• A new batch of Fruit Slave will drop early March as well.

• There is more... so much more... but we like to keep a secret now and then. Soon, all will be revealed.

OK! Please remember that the world everyone is trying to convince you exists DOES NOT EXIST. The only reason someone wants to make you believe in their shitty world view is because they want to infect you with a virile & rabid strain of necrotic boredom. Don't be a victim! Be brave, be subversive, be creative and fall in love with the world, treat it like the greatest lover you have ever had and it will respond in kind back to you. Be strange enough to imagine a world you want to live in and get to living in it, beautiful people!

We love you, take it easy, do it slower and read a book, you'll love it!

Astronaut Juice in 16oz Cans & More...

2019 is almost over and STILL no one has cracked the code on immortality yet.

Thank the Stars, Amiright?!?!

I mean, sure, life has it's ups - friends, lovers, music, film, fire & books - but, MAN, does it have it's downs, too. And what kind of strange, sadistic critter would want to have to endure those downs.... FOREVER???

We've dodged a cratering asteroid on that disaster for the time being, but we still have our significantly more FINITE ups and downs to manage as well. And for that, dearest comrades, IBW has cooked up a solution to get you through...

ASTRONAUT JUICE is our 8% Double Dry Hopped Double IPA made with Mandarina Bavaria, Pacifica, Amarillo & Mosaic hops built, not only to aid in space travel, but designed specifically to aid in that rather bumpy ride of mortality as well. (In select laboratory experiments it does scale for immortality, too).


Astronaut Juice is now available at all of our accounts in the city of Chicago, and the suburbs north, west and south of us.

And, for you interstellar travelers in Michigan and Georgia, have no fear, ASTRONAUT JUICE has landed there as well.

Get out there and secure this lovely beverage for all of your weekend seances and sock hops before it's gone.

Here's some other lovely bits to be on the look out for in the next few weeks (updates coming by way of Facebook, Instagram , Twitter & this lovely email list as they get released):

• RAIMBOW BERRY PIE - 8% White Stout with Rasberry, Boysenberry, Blackberry, Vanilla & Cinnamon (if you like Tony's Humble Pie you will LOVE this beauty) 750ml bottles

• AH POOK! - 11% Mexican Chocolate Ale with Cacao nibs, Madagascar Vanilla & Cinnamon in 750ml bottles

• MUGWUMP BRUNCH - 8% Sour Double Dry Hopped Double IPA with Orange Juice in 16oz 4-Packs

• MUMBLEGEUSE - 8% Double Dry Hopped Double IPA with Rye, Cascade & Simcoe in 16oz 4-Packs

We love you, take it easy, do it slower and read a book, you'll love it!

Junior Astronaut Juice Is Back!

After almost a whole year, everybody's favorite beer for long space journey's into night is back!

Junior Astronaut Juice is a crushable 6% IPA made with the same hop bill as Astronaut Juice and Astronaut Eye Scream, but designed to be a bit more mild, a bit more genial, a bit more of a companion down those bumpy roads of 14-hour drinking binges than it's older cousins.

Come get this lovable expression of Mosaic and Pacifica hops while it lasts. This was a smaller batch than our typical releases, so you do want to hustle a bit if you don't want to miss it.

Junior went to city accounts on Wednesday, West suburbs yesterday. Today it goes to the North suburbs and Tuesday it will hit the South suburbs.

We'll see you at the South Loop beer festival this weekend and Great Taste of the Midwest in just 2 short weeks!

Have a lovely weekend and please do behave yourself during your interstellar excursions. Nobody likes a bad acting astronaut.

Astronaut Eye Scream in 16oz Cans!

On July 4th, 1776, when Ben Franklin ordered the IBW logo to be placed on the great seal of the United States, we couldn't have been more honored. Big Ben was and continues to be a fan of IBW and thought it'd be the right and natural way to honor our works (both public and private).

So, to honor Brother Ben, as well as all other astronauts everywhere, we decided to release ASTRONAUT EYE SCREAM in 16oz cans just in time for the anniversary of that seal's creation.

If you don't follow Brother Ben's blog, or if you otherwise aren't familiar the only beer that has been clinically proven to be truly mind-altering*, then let us introduce you to ASTRONAUT EYE SCREAM...

This 8% beauty is built on our typical 2-row & flaked oat base and then we added lactose sugar as well as a girthful amount of Galaxy, Mosaic & Pacifica hops in there. If you like things, you'll love Astronaut Eye Scream.

Astro Eye Scream went to city accounts on Monday, West suburb accounts yesterday. It goes North today and South on Tuesday. So go on out there and get yourself some!

ALSO OF RELATIVE IMPORTANCE: We have an Astro Eye Scream party at Great Central Brewing (221 N Wood St) tonight where we'll be pouring the above named mind-bending potion made in honor of Ben Franklin's wild abandon for IBW, as well as Orange Sunshine and ASTRONAUT DREAM SCREAM which is AES but with orange and vanilla flavored toad venom to truly enhance your experience.

The party starts at 6pm. Don't be a jerk, just go.

And lastly, of equal importance to all of the relatively important stuff above, is the following message from our Global CEO and 4-time Olympic Free-Style Metalist:

Hello friends,

With the Dog Days approaching, it is, once again, IBW's Very High Holiday Season. And this Holiday, let's all remember to do our part to properly Gay things up a bit. In fact, let's Gay things up maybe a little more than is appropriate for the circles in which we run.

Friends, let's make this the Goriest Gayest 4th of July ever to be put on record in the sordid history of this failed human race. And let's be clear, there have been some pretty Gay 4ths of July through out time, so our work today is no small task. But we here at IBW World Headquarters in Ingolstadt, Germany believe in you, our beautiful brothers and sisters across this broken planet of ours. And we here at IBW World Headquarters know that you're at least a leeeetle bit gayer than you're letting most people know. 

So, this 4th of July, in these soon-to-be Dog Days of Summer, let's surprise everybody and make this a party we'll all remember for as long as our failing memories hold up.

With Love & Light,

xXXXXXXXXXx
Fearless Leader
IBW International, Inc.
Ingolstadt, Bavaria

I think what our Fearless Leader is trying to say is essentially, have a great 4th of July, and don't forget to pick up more GAY AGENDA DDH DIPA with Peaches to help properly intone the revelry of said day.

With that, we bid you, adieu.